


Fourteen Days of BatCat

by VigilantSycamore



Series: That's how you know it's meant to be [2]
Category: Batman (Comics)
Genre: A few other characters are mentioned - Freeform, Alcohol, Bruce and Selina are adorable and in love, Drinking Games, F/M, Fluff, Honeymoon, Implied Sexual Content, Married Couple, Only in some chapters though, Sequel to Holy Batrimony, Talia shows up once, Tumblr Prompt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-10
Updated: 2018-12-09
Packaged: 2019-06-25 08:19:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 13,933
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15636849
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VigilantSycamore/pseuds/VigilantSycamore
Summary: It's finally happened - Bruce and Selina are married! Now the honeymoon begins: fourteen days alone together on a tropical island. What more could they ask for?





	1. Day One: Awake

There were five things Bruce did whenever he woke up somewhere other than the Cave, his bedroom in Wayne Manor, the study in Wayne Manor, or – the most recent addition to the list of normal places to wake up – Selina’s bedroom. Those five things were, in order: run through his most recent memories for any clues as to where he might be, check if anyone was there with him, observe the place to establish if he’d been there before, look around to check if there were any ways out, and see how far he could get before being stopped.

Yesterday flashed through his mind. His reluctant admission to Clark and Alfred that he was nervous, Clark’s reassurance. His heart jumping in his chest when he saw Selina, looking absolutely stunning in a white dress with black lace. The reception, the private jet. The message from Talia – that she was changing Bruce and Selina’s honeymoon destination to a private tropical island. Bruce revealing that he knew Selina had stolen the dress, Selina suggesting that he get her _out_ of said stolen dress… they followed through with that on the plane.

After that, it was a blur. He had a vague recollection of finding a bedroom with Selina and going inside, but she was the only part of their first hours on the island that he remembered clearly.

He was on the left side of the bed. He looked to his right, and saw her lying asleep next to him: Selina, the most beautiful person in the multiverse. And if anyone was qualified to state that superlative, it was him. He’d been to more parallel universes than most of the other Leaguers put together.

Bruce mouthed her name: Selina Kyle- _Wayne_. They’d talked about it enough to agree that the wedding wouldn’t change much about their day-to-day lives, but it _was_ their way of making a statement to whatever beings governed their universe (Bruce refused to believe that their lives could have become as weird as they were by accident). The wedding was their way of saying to the world ‘Do your worst. We’re in this for the long run, and you’re _not_ going to push us apart.’ That was why they’d combined their names.

He admired her: her pointed chin, her short hair, the way she pouted when she was asleep – Selina still denied that she had _any_ facial expression in her sleep, but Bruce felt the urge to smile whenever he saw her do it. It was like she was asking ‘Why am I asleep instead of being Catwoman, outsmarting heroes and villains alike, getting away scot free, and being generally awesome?’

The part of his brain that was always in Batman mode reminded him that he still had no idea where they were and wouldn’t until he got to step three – establish if he’d been there before, and when. The part of his brain that was Bruce Wayne agreed that he should stop staring at Selina, because she might be his wife, but she was also naked and asleep, and Bruce Wayne was not the kind of person to ogle naked people in their sleep, whether he was married to them or not.

With great difficulty, he turned his focus away from Selina and took in the bedroom. Sunlight was flooding in through the purple silk curtains on the left side of the room, giving the whole bedroom a faint violet tint, though not enough to hide the true colours of the room. Behind the curtains were floor-to-ceiling windows. On the right side of the room, the wall had a fireplace embedded in it. He couldn’t tell if it was wood-burning, electric, plasma, or holographic, and each of those was equally feasible (turns out, salvaged tech from alien invasions can turn up _anywhere_ ). At the far end of the room, there was a dark reddish-brown door – judging by the colour, the wood was probably cherry. Jarrah was also an option, but that wouldn’t have been as dark. The walls and ceiling were white. It was a medium-sized room – six metres or eighteen feet long, three metres or eleven feet wide, making the surface area eighteen square metres or a hundred and ninety-seven square feet, while the ceiling was two point seven metres or nine feet high. (As a scientist, he preferred the metric system, but he’d taught himself to use US customary measures as well, because that was the system that most people in Gotham were more familiar with.)

He ran back through his memories of yesterday, trying to compare those details to anything he might have noticed subconsciously but overlooked because he had been… distracted.

They all matched. So they were still in the same place where they’d fallen asleep, that was good.

Now the only steps left were to check if they could get out, and how far they’d get before someone stopped them - and who it would be. He decided to finish the routine off on his own rather than wake Selina.

He sat up on the bed and started to stand…

Only to find a pair of long, dark and athletic legs wrapped around his waist from behind, while the corresponding pair of arms wrapped around his shoulders. “No,” Selina mumbled into his ear. “You’re _warm_.”

Well, at least he had the answers to both of the last questions: he _can’t_ leave, and he can get precisely two centimetres off the bed before being stopped by someone. That someone being Selina.

“I thought I was your husband,” Bruce joked, “not your space heater.”

“You’re a bit of both,” Selina said. “You’re my space husband.”

“I think you have me confused with a different superhero,” Bruce smiled, grabbing Selina’s ankles and loosening her grip on him.

“I just woke up,” Selina said. “It made sense in my head.” She unwrapped her legs from his waist, then used his shoulders as leverage as she rotated herself around him. Now they were face to face. Selina still had that sleepy pout of hers that made the corner of Bruce's mouth twitch in a smile. 

And she was sitting on his lap.

And neither of them was wearing anything.

Selina’s eyes widened briefly, then narrowed as her sleepy pout gave way to a mischievous grin. “Well, I know _something_ we could do to start the day.”

Bruce looked her in the eyes. “You’re sure?” he asked.

Selina nodded. “Are you?”

“Yes,” Bruce said.

Their lips crashed together in an open-mouthed kiss.

They ended up staying in that bedroom all day.


	2. Day Two: Yoga

It wasn’t often that Selina woke up before Bruce.

That’s not much of a surprise, since Bruce tends to view getting a decent amount of sleep as an amusing suggestion at best.

“How are you still alive?” Selina wondered out loud, sitting up in bed and gazing at her sleeping husband next to her. “Right,” she laughed to herself. “Because you’re Batman.” She fell back on the mattress, pressing her back against Bruce’s chest.

Last time he’d been the little spoon, but now it was her turn. They liked to alternate.

She could feel the scars criss-crossing his chest. She’d asked about them once – it turned out he’d gotten a lot of them before he even became Batman, which made sense since it took him far too long to start wearing body armour.

After a while, Selina sat up again and stepped off the bed. She stretched her back, then looked around. The bedroom may have been medium-sized, but there wasn’t much room in it – the bed took up most of the space, and the fireplace and the cabinet didn’t help matters.

“There’s got to be _somewhere_ in this building where a girl can do yoga,” Selina said to herself. She looked back at Bruce and kissed his cheek, then trailed a hand down his face. “Love you,” she told him.

He probably couldn’t hear her, but she was going to say it anyway.

A smile tugged at Selina’s face as she watched Bruce. There was _something_ about him – Selina didn’t know if it was his cheekbones, his blue eyes (sometimes she felt like she could drown in those ocean blue irises), his adorably messy hair, that web of scars on his skin showing just how good he was at surviving, or his “this is supposed to be impossible, but I’ve never cared about that and I’m not about to start now” attitude that he carried with him everywhere he went – something intoxicating that Selina was reminded of whenever she looked at him.

She was _not_ sentimental or anything like that. Definitely not.

The nagging voice in the back of her mind begged to differ, so Selina tore her gaze away from Bruce and stepped out the bedroom door, into the living room.

She hadn’t had much of an opportunity to inspect it so far – when the newlyweds got here, they’d made a beeline for the bedroom, and they spent the entire first day of their honeymoon _in_ the bedroom – so now was as good a time as any.

To her left there was a sofa, running parallel to the living room wall. In front of the sofa was a carpet with an intricate pattern – were those _bats and cats_? There was no way that was a coincidence – with a glass coffee table in the centre of the room, on top of the carpet. There were two futons as well, one at each of the far corners of the rectangular carpet. A painting was mounted on the far wall.

Selina pulled the coffee table closer to the sofa so she’d have plenty of space in the middle of the room and started with some sun salutations. After 2 rounds, she was about to move on to the asanas when she heard the bedroom door open.

“You’re not as quiet as everyone thinks you are, you know,” she said.

“I am when I want to be,” Bruce said. “But since I have no intention of sneaking up on you, I _don’t_ want to be.”

Selina held the Warrior I Pose for four breaths before responding. “Even if you _wanted_ to sneak up on me, you couldn’t. You’re predictable.”

“I am not predictable,” Bruce said, faking offence.

Selina turned to face Bruce and moved on to the next Warrior Pose. She raised an eyebrow at him. “Really?” she drawled. “You’re not predictable?” She hummed. “Remember the cosplayers?”

“That was a fluke,” Bruce said.

Selina switched to a handstand. “What about the jaguars? Or the casino? Were those flukes too?”

Bruce sighed. “Alright, fine. Maybe I am predictable, but only to you and Alfred.”

From handstand to headstand. “I know you as well as Alfred? Good to know,” Selina said.

“I didn’t say _that_ ,” Bruce smirked. “I’m pretty sure Alfred knows everything about everyone.”

Selina laughed at that. She bent her knees and pulled them down to her chest one by one, then straightened both legs so that her toes were touching the floor. She straightened her back so that she was lying flat against the carpet before going into the cobra pose. “I _know_ you do yoga too,” Selina said. “Are you going to join me any time soon?”

Bruce shrugged. “Sure,” he said, standing next to Selina, who was now moving on to the lotus pose. “Although you do have a head start.”

“I wanted to let you have your beauty sleep,” Selina replied. “Not that you need it.”

“Oh, I was awake since you asked how I was still alive,” Bruce said, smirking again. “I just knew that if I showed that I was awake, we’d start flirting again and the risk of us spending another day of our honeymoon in the same room was too high.”

Selina rolled her eyes. “Asshole,” she joked.

Bruce chuckled and started doing the sun salutations. “And by the way, I’m not still alive because I’m Batman. I’m still alive because I’m _stubborn_.”

“I’ve noticed,” Selina said, moving on to a twisting pose. “It’s why I love you.”

“I love you too,” Bruce said, smiling at her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First of all, I know next to nothing about yoga. I had to do a few Google searches to write this chapter.  
> Second of all, one of the incidents Selina mentions is a reference to a Golden Age Batman and Catwoman story. The other two I just made up, but have probably happened as well.  
> Also, Bruce and Selina alternating is a reference to how I plan to write this story - switching perspectives with each chapter.  
> Lastly, I hope you enjoyed reading this chapter. Once inspiration hits me again, I'll write and post the next chapter.


	3. Day Three: Ex's and Oh's

It had been on the second day of their honeymoon that Bruce and Selina discovered that the resort on the island had a restaurant on the first floor.

A restaurant run by ninjas, but still.

The next day, they came back there.

“You know, this is _not_ the first time I’ve eaten at a restaurant run by ninjas,” Bruce noted.

Selina hummed. “Why am I not surprised?” she wondered. “Was Talia involved that time too?”

“Well, we were dating back then,” Bruce said. “But the ninja restaurant was _Ra’s_ ’ idea that time.”

“Is it weird, spending your honeymoon on an island your ex got you?” Selina asked.

Bruce considered this. There was a lot of history between him and Talia, and even if they’d talked about and mostly moved past that by now, it still made things awkward sometimes. But with Selina here with him, on a honeymoon with him… well, there aren’t many distractions better than being on a tropical island with the love of your life, who you’d just married. “Kind of,” he said at last. “But it’s worth it – I’m here with _you_ , and I can’t deny Talia chose well when she was picking an island to send us to. How about you? Is it weird spending your honeymoon on an island your spouse’s ex got you?”

Selina was silent for a moment, before replying, “Yeah, it’s weird. But, well… weird’s kind of what I signed up for, isn’t it?”

“I mean, being married to me doesn’t involve that much more weirdness than just living in Gotham,” Bruce said. “Let alone living in Gotham as the world’s greatest thief.”

Selina blushed. Her dark skin tone made her blushes less noticeable, but the way the reddish undertones of her cheeks brightened was still visible. “Flatterer,” she accused.

“Guilty as charged,” Bruce said, smirking.

“Stop smirking,” Selina told him.

Bruce kept smirking. “Or what?”

Selina leaned across the table and kissed her husband on the lips. Obviously, it was an open-mouthed kiss – this is Bruce and Selina we’re talking about.

Even after all this time, being kissed by her was still enough to stun Bruce, if only for that beat his heart skipped.

Bruce leaned forwards as well, and kissed her back. Selina placed one hand on Bruce’s hip, and moved her other hand through Bruce’s short hair, purposefully mussing his hair. Bruce had both of his hands around Selina’s shoulders. As they made out, their hands wandered up and down each other – at least, as much as they could manage with the table between them. For two minutes, they were each other’s whole worlds.

Finally, Selina pulled away. She smirked herself when Bruce _whined_ – that was not a noise Batman made often, but she could make him do it easily. Bruce recognized that smirk – that was the smirk she had when she was revelling in how easily she could get to him.

“Or _that_ won’t happen again while we’re on this island,” Selina said.

Bruce reprimanded himself for challenging Selina when really he should have known this would be how she’d respond. “You wouldn’t,” Bruce said.

“Try me.”

Bruce wasn’t going to take that risk, so he stopped smirking. “But you _are_ the world’s greatest thief,” he clarified. “Seriously, I ran the numbers – you have the highest success rate among the top 100 thieves who are still at large. Anyone else who even comes _close_ in terms of the number of successful thefts they’ve pulled off has also attempted far more _unsuccessful_ thefts than you have. And for the record, you’re not just in the top 100, you’re in the top 10. Not to mention, you’ve never _officially_ been caught.”

Selina looked away shyly. “I bet you say that to all the ladies,” she said. “And the gentlemen,” she added.

“No, you’re the only one I’ve called the world’s greatest thief,” Bruce replied. “But I _have_ been called a flatterer by a _lot_ of people.”

“There’s been a lot?” Selina asked.

“Are you _seriously_ asking about my exes on our honeymoon?” Bruce asked.

“No, I was asking about how many people you’ve flattered,” Selina said unconvincingly. “You brought up exes.”

“We both know what you meant by ‘all the ladies and the gentlemen,” Bruce said.

“Plausible deniability, lover.”

“You sound like a lawyer, but alright,” Bruce conceded. “But I still think it’s weird to talk about our exes on our honeymoon.”

“We live in Gotham, we’ve seen weirder,” Selina said. “Come on, I’ll tell you mine if you tell me yours.”

“Alright,” Bruce said. “Let’s take turns.”

They shook hands to seal the deal.

“So?” Selina asked. “It’s your turn first.”

Bruce hummed. “Well, you already know about Talia.”

“I like her,” Selina noted.

“Of course you would,” Bruce said. “Now it’s your turn.”

Selina narrowed her eyes. “You said yourself that I already knew about her. If they’re someone the other person already knows about, they don’t count.”

“That wasn’t in the rules we agreed on,” Bruce said.

“ _Now_ who sounds like a lawyer?” Selina asked. “Okay, well… Eiko comes to mind. You met her at our wedding.”

Bruce remembered the Japanese-American woman who’d introduced herself to him at his and Selina’s wedding as the ex-girlfriend of the bride. She didn’t tell him her name, but she did make an impression. “Was she the one who threatened to kill me if I hurt you in any way, and who wasn’t dating someone with plant powers?” Bruce asked.

“That was her,” Selina confirmed.

“I believe her,” Bruce said.

“You should. Your turn again,” Selina said.

And so they went on, listing the various relationships they’d had in the past – with occasional commentary on each other’s exes. Bruce told Selina about Harvey, Julie, Rachel, Clark and Diana, and Silver; while Selina told Bruce about Pamela and Harley, Harvey, Sam, James, and Dinah.

After that, it turned out they were both done.

“We’ve both had the same number of relationships,” Selina noted. “That seems like a coincidence.”

Bruce hummed in agreement. “And we’ve both been in a polyamorous relationship once,” he added.

“I’m starting to think Dick’s mirror theory is right,” Selina said.

The oldest Robin had spent a _long_ time trying to convince Bruce and Selina that they were meant for each other because they mirrored each other. It started with the fact that they both had a night-themed animal motif and frequently broke the law, and the more similarities he noticed the more determined he became to get the Bat and the Cat together.

“I’m starting to think so too,” Bruce said. “Especially since we’re together in a _lot_ of parallel universes - more often than the other relationships either of us has been in.”

“Parallel universes,” Selina repeated. “Your life really _is_ weird.”

“It’s _our_ weird life now,” Bruce said.

Selina smiled at him. “And I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, this is inspired by the Elle King song. I was listening to it the other day and it occurred to me that it would apply equally well to Bruce and to Selina. That realization ended up turning into an idea for a chapter of this fic where Bruce and Selina talk about their exes.  
> I used a post by Writing with Color on Tumblr to figure out how to describe Selina blushing.  
> I have no idea how to write a make-out session. I hope I did a good job with that part of the chapter.  
> Bruce's line about parallel universes was my reference to how many versions of BatCat there are, between adaptations, Elseworlds stories, and canon alternate universes.  
> I hope you all liked this chapter. There's probably going to be another one soon because I've been looking at OTP prompts on Tumblr for inspiration.


	4. Day Four: Drinking Game

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one was inspired by the prompt 'Imagine your OTP playing a game. One misquotes a book/movie/series or whatever and the other has to guess what the original quote is and what it’s from.' by @your-otp-prompts on Tumblr. If you're reading this, thank you for the idea

The evening was approaching, and the newlyweds were on the sofa in their suite and trying to think of ideas for how to entertain themselves (other than _that_ , they were saving that for later) when Selina suggested a game.

“A game?” Bruce repeated. “What sort of game?”

“A drinking game,” Selina said, putting two shot glasses on the glass coffee table in front of the sofa. “One person misquotes a book, movie, or whatever, and the other has to guess the source and the original quote. They guess wrong, they take a shot. They guess right, the person quoting takes a shot. It’s one shot for either the quote or the source, two shots if both are right or both are wrong. If you can’t think of a quote, you forfeit your turn and take a shot. Oh, and you can only change one word of the quote.”

Bruce glanced upwards, raising his eyebrows slightly, and made a pensive noise. That was the look on his face when he was making a pro-con list in his head. A second later, he said, “Sounds interesting.” Then he asked, “What are we taking shots _of_?”

Selina opened the drinks cabinet and looked inside. There was an assortment of drinks in there, all alcoholic, but one that caught her eye. “Well, there’s Bacardi in here,” she said, reaching for the bottle.

“And I know how much you _love_ Bacardi,” Bruce said. “Is it because of the logo?”

 _As if I don’t get enough of that from Holly and Maggie,_ Selina thought. She shot the bat on the bottle’s label a quick glare before responding, “I liked the rum before I met you. If anything, I like _you_ because the bat motif reminds me of Bacardi.”

“I _knew_ I should have called myself Bacardiman,” Bruce joked.

Selina laughed. “They would have sued you for that.”

“How? They don’t know who I am, and technically that would count as a free promotion.”

“I suppose you’re right.” Selina placed the bottle on the coffee table, equidistant from both of them. “So, which one of us goes first?”

“It was your idea,” Bruce pointed out. “You get the first quote.”

“Alright,” Selina said. She cleared her throat. “’I always have depended on the support of strangers.’”

“A Streetcar Named Desire,” Bruce said immediately. “And the original quote is ‘I always have depended on the _kindness_ of strangers.’”

Selina poured herself a shot of rum, and downed it, then repeated the action. “Your turn.” She smirked at Bruce, and leaned back, putting her elbows on the armrest behind her while she arched her back.

Normally, Bruce would glance in a random direction every few seconds, something he’d trained himself to do instinctively so he’d be harder to take by surprise on a mission, but right now his eyes were on Selina, and only Selina. She could tell that Bruce knew _exactly_ what she was trying to do – distract him from their game in the hope that sooner or later he’d be _too_ distracted to think of a quote and forfeit a turn, or just guess wrong.

Technically, psychological warfare did not classify as cheating. The question was, was it working?

“’Mrs Wayne, you’re trying to seduce me, aren’t you?’” Bruce asked her.

“The Graduate,” Selina replied. “The original quote is ‘Mrs _Robinson_ , you’re trying to seduce me, aren’t you?’ And to answer your question, Mr Kyle…” Selina winked. “We’ll see.”

Bruce took two shots, and Selina tried to think of a quote before settling on one he’d probably get, even _if_ his wife was playing footsie with him, which she was.

“’I’m going to make him an offer he can’t refuse,’” Selina said, doing her best impression of Marlon Brando.

Bruce looked at her blankly.

Well. This was unexpected.

“I have no idea,” Bruce admitted at last, taking two shots.

“What?” Selina half-asked and half-shouted. “You’ve never seen The Godfather?”

Bruce shook his head.

“It’s one of the biggest Marlon Brando movies of all time!” Selina said.

“Who’s Marlon Brando?”

Selina gasped. “How do you – how? You don’t know who Marlon Brando is? He’s been in, like, half the movies ever movied!”

“’Movied?’” Bruce repeated, raising one eyebrow.

“Give me a break, I’ve had two shots of Bacardi already.”

“I’ve had four and _I’m_ fine,” Bruce said, holding up three fingers, before adding a fourth when he noticed his mistake. Then he hiccupped.

Selina laughed.

“That doesn’t mean nothing, I’m fine,” he reiterated.

“You just used a double negative,” Selina said. “Looks like _you’re_ tipsy too. And I still cannot believe that you! Haven’t! Seen! The Godfather! It’s like the quintesomething mafia movie!”

Bruce chuckled. “’Quintesomething,’” he repeated. “Alright, my turn again,” he said. “’You’re going to need a bigger train.’”

“But you’ve watched _Jaws_?” Selina said.  Bruce took a shot. “You didn’t watch the movie that _defined_ the mafia, but you _have_ watched the movie that made people hate sharks even more than they already did?”

“What’s the original quote?” Bruce asked her.

“You’re going to need a bigger _boat_ ,” Selina responded. Bruce took another shot.

Right now, he was three times as drunk as she was. That didn’t seem fair. She’d give him an easy one next.

“’My name is Inigo Toyota,’” she said. “’You killed my father. Prepare to die.’”

“Me, to Joe Chill,” Bruce said. Then he shook his head. “Nah, it’s from the Princess Bride. The original is ‘My name is Inigo _Montoya_ ,’ and the other stuff’s the same.”

Selina took two more shots.

Or more precisely, she took one shot and was taking the second when Bruce surprised her with his next quote.

“’They may take our houses,” he shouted in a _very_ heavy Scottish accent that surprised Selina enough to make her spit out her second shot. “’But they’ll never take our freedom!’” That last word was even louder than the rest.

“When were you Scottish?” Selina asked. “I almost heard _bagpipes_ just now.”

“My dad’s side of the family was Scottish,” Bruce said. “And there was that time I was travelling through time, for a while I met… whatshisname, _Robert the Bruce_. Not that Wallace guy.”

Selina blinked. “Wow. Anyway, that’s from Braveheart,” Bruce took a shot when she said that, “and the original line is ‘lives’ not ‘houses’.” Bruce took another shot. “Do another Scottish one,” Selina said.

“No, it’s your turn now,” Bruce said.

Selina smirked. “’The town was cardboard, but the memories were not.’”

“It’s supposed to be _paper_ , not _cardboard_ ,” Bruce said. Selina took a shot. “And it’s from a… a book,” Bruce continued. “Looking for Alaska?”

“Paper Towns,” Selina corrected him. “Y’know, the deconstruction one.”

Bruce took another shot, then cleared his throat, stood up (wobbled for a bit before catching his balance), and started pacing the room as he said the next quote: “’Excuse me, barmaid!” he started, with the Scottish accent again. “I'm afraid you've brought me the wrong offspring! I ordered an extra large boy with beefy arms, extra guts and glory on the side! This here, this is a talkin'  _fishstick_!”

Selina laughed. “How to Train Your Dragon,” she guessed. “Fish _bone_ , not fishstick.”

After Bruce took two shots, Selina added, “You make a _great_ Hiccup.”

“Does that make you Astrid?” Bruce asked.

“I guess,” Selina said. “Alright, one more quote because if we drink too drunk, we won’t be able to stand up, let alone get horizontal.” She spent a moment trying to think of a quote. Finally, she thought of one obscure enough to be a challenge for Bruce. (How could he _not_ have watched The Godfather?) “’With those swords, you have earned yourself much suffering,’” she said.

“Blaze Comics’ Clayface, issue 14, page seven!” Bruce shouted triumphantly. “ _Words_ , not _swords_.”

“Should’ve known you’d geddit,” Selina said, taking a shot. “Clayface EU nerd, right here!” she said, pointing at him. “And here!” she added, pointing at herself as she took another shot.

Selina stood up and grabbed Bruce’s shoulder for balance. He dragged her closer to him and kissed her.

“Bedroom?” Selina said, eyebrows raised and a suggestive smirk on her face, when they stopped kissing.

“Bedroom,” Bruce agreed, the exact same expression on his face as on hers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do not know how drunk you can get from that many shots of rum. I hope it was at least somewhat accurate, but as long as it was entertaining I'm fine with it.  
> The Clayface franchise and Blaze Comics both only exist in the DC Universe (and as you can see I imagine Bruce and Selina as huge fans of the Clayface franchise), but I came up with the quote by looking up Star Wars EU quotes on line and finding one that I really liked - "With these words, you have caused yourself much pain" - then changing it a little.  
> Hope you liked this chapter too.


	5. Day Five: Movie Night

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The idea for this chapter comes from a comment left by talizorahvasnerd on the previous chapter. Thank you for the suggestion! I hope you like what I've written

“We’re having a movie night,” Selina announced.

“Sounds like a good idea,” Bruce said. “Is there any movie in particular that you have in mind?”

Selina smiled smugly. “Actually, yes. After last night, when I found out you’d missed out on a certain cinematic experience, I searched the DVD cabinet,” she said, tilting her head in the direction of the pine wood cabinet in the corner of the living room, “and guess what I found?”

Bruce put together what she was getting at. “The Godfather?”

“We’re watching it,” Selina confirmed.

Bruce considered his options. He didn’t exactly have a reason _not_ to watch The Godfather – the only reason he hadn’t watched it already is because he’d been too busy infiltrating the actual mafia as Matches Malone, and later dismantling the mafia as the Batman, and then fighting costumed villains as Batman, then taking on the League of Assassins and the Court of Owls… it occurred to him that he probably needed this honeymoon more than he’d realised considering that the last time he’d taken a break from being Batman was when he was recovering from his first, disastrous encounter with Bane. Anyway. There was no reason for him _not_ to watch it, and a very good reason _to_ watch it – Selina wanted to watch it with him, meaning that doing so would make Selina happy, and Bruce loved making Selina happy.

“Okay,” Bruce said.

Selina’s eyebrows shot up in surprise. “Seriously? I thought I’d have to give _at least_ three reasons for you to watch it.”

“You want to watch it with me, that’s reason enough,” Bruce said.

Selina laughed shyly, then kissed Bruce on the cheek.

***

That evening, Bruce and Selina were sitting down on the sofa, in front of the TV. Selina had already put the disc in the DVD player, and now she pressed play on the remote.

As the Paramount logo came on the screen, Selina glanced over in Bruce to make sure that he was watching the movie. Sure enough, he was focused on the screen. By the look on his face, Selina could tell that he was going into detective mode – which meant he was definitely going to pay attention.

“The music is really good,” Bruce noted. “Who’s the composer?”

“Nino Rota,” Selina answered.

As the title appeared on the screen, Bruce noticed that the full title was ‘Mario Puzo’s “The Godfather.”’ That was odd, since the film was made by Francis Ford Coppola. Maybe it was based on a book, and Puzo was the author? He made a mental note to look that up.

The screen faded to black, and a man started to speak. As he spoke, the screen faded back in to a close up of the man’s face, and slowly zoomed out. He had a moustache, and a balding scalp.

_“I believe in America. America’s made my fortune. And I raised my daughter in the American fashion. I gave her freedom, but -- I taught her never to dishonour her family. She found a boyfriend; not an Italian. She went to the movies with him; she stayed out late. I didn't protest. Two months ago, he took her for a drive, with another boyfriend. They made her drink whiskey. And then they tried to take advantage of her. She resisted. She kept her honour. So they beat her, like an animal. When I went to the hospital, her nose was a'broken. Her jaw was a'shattered, held together by wire. She couldn't even weep because of the pain. But I wept. Why did I weep? She was the light of my life -- beautiful girl. Now she will never be beautiful again.”_

The man broke down crying. By now, the camera had zoomed out over a desk, to another man – this man’s face was hidden from the camera. This other man made a gesture with his hand, and someone handed the first man a drink in a shot glass – he took the glass, muttered an apology, and took a sip.

“ _I- I went to the police, like a good American. These two boys were brought to trial. The judge sentenced them to three years in prison - suspended sentence. Suspended sentence! They went free that very day! I stood in the courtroom like a fool. And those two bastard, they smiled at me. Then I said to my wife, ‘for justice, we must go to Don Corleone.’_ "

So that was the man he was talking to. A mafia don. Bruce supposed it made sense – the justice system that the balding man had put his faith in had failed his daughter, so now he was asking a crime lord for justice. Whoever this Corleone was, he must have a reputation as someone with morals, otherwise the balding man wouldn’t have gone to him in the first place.

“ _Why did you go to the police?”_ Corleone asked. _“Why didn't you come to me first?_ ”

“ _What do you want of me? Tell me anything. But do what I beg you to do._ ”

“ _What is that?”_

The other man got up to whisper into Corleone’s ear. Whatever he said, Bruce couldn’t hear it, but the implication was clear. The angle changed to show Corleone’s face.

“ _That I cannot do,_ ” Corleone said.

The angle changed again, this time to a shot of the whole office. There were two other men in the room with Corleone and the visitor, both wearing black and white suits. One was drinking from a flask.

“ _I'll give you anything you ask_ ,” the visitor promised.

The camera cut to a closer shot of Corleone. Bruce noticed that the don was petting a cat. That was a nice touch, he thought.

Corleone spoke again, about how he and the visitor had known each other for years but the visitor hadn’t asked him for help until now. He accused his visitor of never wanting his friendship, and being afraid to be in his debt.

“ _I didn't want to get into trouble,_ ” Bonasera explained.

“ _I understand. You found paradise in America, had a good trade, made a good living. The police protected you; and there were courts of law. And you didn't need a friend of me. But uh, now you come to me and you say, ‘Don Corleone give me justice.’ But you don't ask with respect. You don't offer friendship. You don't even think to call me Godfather. Instead, you come into my house on the day my daughter is to be married, and you uh ask me to do murder, for money._ ”

So that was why the film was called the Godfather. And that comment about it being the day of Corleone’s daughter’s wedding was interesting. Corleone was… interesting: Bruce couldn’t figure out if he was meant to be an anti-hero or a villain. He thought about this as he watched the conversation between the two men continue.

When the visitor asked how much Corleone wanted to be paid, the don stood up, and walked around the room, towards the visitor. That, Bruce knew, was usually a reason to be worried when it came to mob bosses.

“ _Bonasera... Bonasera..._ ” Corleone said. “ _What have I ever done to make you treat me so disrespectfully? Had you come to me in friendship, then this scum that ruined your daughter would be suffering this very day. And that by chance if an honest man such as yourself should make enemies, then they would become my enemies. And then they would fear you._ ”

“ _Be my friend_ ,” Bonasera pleaded. He bowed, and the Don shrugged. “ _Godfather_?” Bonasera added. He kissed Corleone’s hand.

“ _Good_ ,” Corleone said. “ _Someday, and that day may never come, I'll call upon you to do a service for me. But uh, until that day, accept this justice as a gift on my daughter's wedding day_.”

“ _Grazie, Godfather_.”

 “ _Prego_.”

Bonasera left the room, and Corleone turned to one of his henchmen.

“ _Ah, give this to ah, Clemenza_ ,” he said. “ _I want reliable people; people that aren't gonna be carried away. I'm mean, we're not murderers, despite what this undertaker says_.”

“So, how do you like it so far?” Selina asked.

“It’s good,” Bruce said. “This Corleone guy is interesting.”

They went back to watching the film.

The scene with the horse’s head was... disturbing, though Bruce wasn’t going to admit that out loud. When Vito was gunned down in front of Fredo, Bruce felt a pang of sympathy for the mob boss’s son. He had personal experience after all. And when Clemenza gave Michael his secret recipe, Bruce made a mental note to ask Alfred about it.

The hospital scene was particularly tense. When Michael noticed that despite a close encounter with incoming assassins, his own hands weren’t trembling, Bruce inadvertently remembered a time when he was a teenager and kept getting into fights in the East End. He’d nearly died – a lack of experience will do that to you – but afterwards, when he was sewing himself up, he’d noticed that his hands were steady.

“That’s got to be a turning point for him,” Bruce commented aloud. “It was for me.”

A few scenes later, Bruce’s suspicions were confirmed when Michael shot Sollozzo and McCluskey in cold blood. _That’s not going to end well_ , he thought. He was right – the Five Families erupted into open warfare. Michael was sent off to Sicily and Fredo was sent to Las Vegas, leaving Sonny to run the family. Bruce knew enough about narrative structure to know that it wouldn’t end well for Sonny.

It didn’t make Sonny’s beatdown of Carlo any less cathartic or satisfying.

Sonny’s death not long after was brutal, but it wasn’t what got to Bruce. No, that was seeing Vito break down in tears over his son’s dead body. Bruce looked away from the screen for a moment.

“You okay?” Selina asked.

“I’m fine,” Bruce muttered. “It’s just… This scene reminds me of when Jason…”

Selina put her hand on his. “It’s okay,” she reassured him. “Do you want me to stop the film?”

Bruce shook his head. “No, it’s- I mean, I’m fine. But thanks.” He smiled at her.

Selina smiled back and removed her hand from his, but inched closer to him.

When the film got to Apollonia’s death, Bruce grabbed Selina’s hand again.

She looked at him, worried.

“I’m still good,” he reassured her. “But I…”

He didn’t have to say anything – Selina understood. She moved closer to him, and draped a comforting arm around his shoulders.

“Let’s keep watching,” Bruce said.

Eventually, they got to the baptism scene. The screen faded in to the interior of a church. An organ was playing and a baby was crying. The priest started reading in Latin from a prayer book. The baby stopped crying. Michael watched the beginning of the baptism solemnly.

As the ceremony continued, the scene periodically switched between Neri, Cicci, and Clemenza, each getting ready to carry out a hit, occasionally cutting back to the church.

Clemenza shot a mafia don in a hotel elevator. Moe Greene was shot in the eye in a massage room, leaving rings of shattered glass in one of the lenses in his glasses. Cicci followed Don Cuneo into a revolving door, locked it, and shot through the glass four times. Tattaglia was in bed with a woman when he was riddled with bullets by Rocco and another man. And outside a courthouse, Neri shot Barzini’s bodyguard twice, and his chauffeur once. Barzini turned to run, but Neri got down on one knee, aimed at Barzini, and fired twice, shooting the mob boss in the back. Barzini fell, tumbling down the stairs, and Neri got to his feet and into a car.

A cut back to the church. “ _Michael Rizzi,_ _will you be baptised?_ ” the priest asked.

“ _I will_ ,” Michael replied.

The priest poured holy water on the baby’s forehead and continued in Latin.

The scene quickly cut between the dead bodies of all the Corleone family’s rivals, then back to the church. A candle was being held before Michael. “ _Go in peace, and may the Lord be with you_ ,” the priest said _. “Amen._ ”

The whole massacre was methodical – orchestrated with military precision, and perfectly timed to give Michael and alibi for the murders. Bruce supposed it made sense that Michael would do that – he’d always been more of a military man than a mobster, and it may have been out of character for a typical mafia don to cut down the heads of all their rivals in one fell swoop, but not for someone more used to warfare than to business.

The film wasn’t over yet, but it would be soon. The next scene - Connie confronting Michael, Michael lying about killing Carlo and the other rivals of the Corleones – was the one that ended the film.

“ _Don’t ask me about my work, Kay_ ,” Michael said, just before Neri closed the door between Michael and Kay.

As the credits rolled, Selina looked over at Bruce. “Well?” she asked.

“That,” Bruce said, “was phenomenal. And that’s not a word I use lightly.”

“I’ve only heard you call something phenomenal twice before tonight,” Selina agreed. “I’m glad you liked it.”

“I _didn’t_ like it,” Bruce said, “I loved it.” He paused. “Even if parts of it were… tough for me.”

Selina gave his shoulder a comforting rub. “So it wasn’t too much for you?” she asked.

Bruce shook his head.

“Good,” Selina said. “I… I’m sorry, I didn’t realise how some of those scenes would affect-“

“It’s okay,” Bruce cut her off. “There were only two scenes that brought up… painful memories for me. And one that scared me. And I’m good, honestly.”

“Good,” Selina repeated. “I’m glad you’re fine.”

For a while, they were silent.

“You know,” Bruce said eventually, “I believe there _were_ sequels to this movie.”

“You know,” Selina hummed, “there _was_ a sequel.”

Bruce raised an eyebrow. “I thought there were two?”

Selina cringed. “There was _one_ sequel,” she said.

“Ah,” Bruce said as a look of realization came over his face. “So the… _other_ sequel is like the Clayface IV of the franchise?”

“I mean, it’s not _that_ bad,” Selina said. “But you’ve got the right idea.”

“So, shall we watch Part II?” Bruce asked.

Selina hummed, and glanced at the clock on the wall. “Why not? We’ve still got time.”

“I’ll set the DVD,” Bruce said.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is my first attempt at this kind of fic. I hope it turned out well. I'm sorry it took so long to get to it - originally, my plan was to rewatch the Godfather and take notes, but then I found out that it wasn't available on any of the streaming services we've got at home at the moment, so I had to improvise. Honestly, this is probably the most difficult chapter I've written for this story so far.


	6. Day Six: Marathon

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just to clarify: I really like the idea of there being a Clayface franchise in-universe that Bruce and Selina can geek out over and Basil Carlo being the actor who played Clayface in the movies. Obviously, the character's name wouldn't be the same, so I came up with Jose Santana as the name of Basil's character. Santana always calls other people by their first names, and Inspector Eriksen is usually referred to by her last name by other characters, so it's kind of a meme in the fandom that only Jose Santana is allowed to use her first name. Clayface III set up a redemption arc for Santana and is very popular with people who ship him with Eriksen because that was the movie where he fell in love with her, though they didn't get together.
> 
> Anyway, enjoy this chapter, where Bruce and Selina watch their favourite childhood cartoon all over again.

Yesterday, when Selina had found The Godfather in the DVD cabinet, she’d been looking for that specific movie, so she hadn’t really bothered to check what else there was. This time, she _was_ bothering to check what else there was. That was how she saw it.

Her eyes widened. “No. Freaking. Way.” It was really the only appropriate response. She took the DVD out of the drawer and spun around towards Bruce, hiding the DVD behind her back. “Guess what I just found,” she said.

Bruce looked at her and narrowed his eyes for a moment. The tip of his mouth curled up in a smirk. “I’m not going to _guess_. It was definitely a DVD, and since the DVDs are ordered alphabetically by title and that’s a pretty high drawer, it’s probably one of the earliest letters of the alphabet. Judging by your reaction, it’s something rare…” He raised his eyebrows in surprise. “It’s not Clayface the Animated Series, is it?”

Selina nodded. “Oh, it _is_.”

“The same animated series that got cancelled after one season, and had only thirteen episodes, none of which anybody’s been able to find more than a handful of scenes from?”

Selina held up the DVD for Bruce to see. “Looks that way,” she said.

Bruce let out a low whistle. “I know Talia’s resourceful, but how did she get _that_?”

“I guess there are perks to running a clandestine organisation,” Selina joked.

“So, are we watching it today?” Bruce asked.

“Two hundred and ninety-nine minutes of the follow up to Clayface III that the franchise _deserved_?” Selina asked. “Why _wouldn’t_ we watch it?”

They kissed in excitement.

Not long later, Bruce and Selina were sitting on the couch, Bruce’s arms wrapped around Selina’s waist, as they watched the pilot episode of the animated series. Nathan Fitzwilliam, the voice actor they got for Jose Santana did a great job of imitating Basil Carlo’s voice, as the opening monologue proved.

“ _My name is Jose Santana. I’m better known as Clayface._ ”

“I just got chills,” Bruce said.

“Me too,” Selina said. “No wonder they keep using that line.”

“ _A lot of people think that I’m a monster. They’re not wrong. But I’m not_ just _a monster, and I’m trying to be better. The first step towards that is to find out who made me what I am, and why – and stop them from creating more Clayfaces._ ”

“Exactly,” Bruce said. “Clayface II and III clearly established that Santana hates the idea of other people being able to do what he does, why would he work _with_ Castor Industries to create more Clayfaces?”

Selina shushed him. “Don’t talk about _that_ movie right now. We’re watching the good version of the story.”

By the end of episode three, all of the five new Clayfaces were established characters. Episode four picked up where the previous episode had left of, with the shapeshifting duel between Jose and the new Clayfaces’ leader, Masami Kurosawa. It ended in a stalemate, and both Clayfaces escaping.

“So, who’s your favourite of the New Five?” Selina asked Bruce.

Bruce mulled the question over for a moment. “Masami,” he said at last. “She’s just such a badass.”

“And she’s always got a plan,” Selina said. “That’s something you two have in common.”

“It’s something _you_ have in common with her as well,” Bruce pointed out. “And honestly, her plans are more like yours than mine.”

Selina hummed in agreement.

“So what about you?” Bruce asked. “Who’s your favourite?”

“Calvin Baum,” Selina replied.

“Calvin?” Bruce repeated. “The cocky, sarcastic, daredevil.”

“The very same.”

“I didn’t know you were into the handsome rogues,” Bruce said, amused.

“Yes you did,” Selina said. “What do you think _you_ are?”

Bruce hummed in agreement.

Episode five was the one where Inspector Eriksen finally tracked down Jose.

“ _Sandra,_ ” Jose greeted her. “ _I was wondering when you’d get here._ ”

“ _Stop talking,_ ” Sandra snapped. She pressed her gun to his head.

Jose rolled his eyes. “ _When have those_ ever _worked on me?_ ”

“ _I know they don’t,_ ” Sandra told him, “ _but I also know that even if it won’t work on you, it will still hurt like_ -” she was cut off by an explosion.

“Ah, I love cartoon censorship,” Selina said. “I’m surprised they let her threat to shoot Jose in the head get past the radar, though.”

“The _really_ surprising thing is that there aren’t _more_ explosions, considering how much Eriksen swore in the movies,” Bruce remarked.

Selina laughed.

Episodes six and seven focused on Jose trying to gain the Inspector’s trust, eventually convincing her to help him fight Castor Industries. In episode eight, they broke into a Castor Industries lab and found out that there was a cure for Jose’s condition being developed. Then they were attacked by the New Five and knocked out.

The episode ended with Jose waking up and looking around. The lab had been emptied. “ _Sandra?_ ” he called. No answer. “ _Sandra?_ ”

“Oh God, that cliffhanger,” Bruce said.

“At least this time, we have the next episode right here,” Selina said. “The first time I watched this show, I was _so mad_ that I had to wait a week to find out what happened.”

“I actually called the studio and tried to buy the next episode from them,” Bruce said. “… It didn’t work.”

Selina laughed.

In episode nine, Jose tracked down the New Five and ended up joining forces with them. That was also the episode where Calvin Baum revealed that he was slowly turning to stone as a side effect of his Clayface abilities, and he wanted the cure to save himself.

Episode ten had two plotlines: one was the six Clayfaces planning a rescue mission, and the other was Inspector Eriksen breaking herself out of Castor Industries. By the time the Clayfaces got there, she was waiting for them with a Castor Industries lab technician under arrest.

“I really like how they subverted the Damsel in Distress trope,” Selina said.

“Yeah, that was a nice touch,” Bruce agreed. “And it wouldn’t have made any sense for Eriksen to just wait to be rescued, considering how badass she is.”

Episode eleven had the heroes interrogating the technician to find out where Castor Industries kept the cure, and what Justin Castor was planning – and also revealed that during episode nine, Inspector Eriksen had been turned into another Clayface and was now experiencing the same petrification side effects as Calvin. In episode twelve, the heroes tracked down the cure, planted bombs in the lab to destroy it once they got the cure, and came face to face with Justin Castor, who revealed himself to be a Clayface as well.

And in the final episode, the New Five held Castor back while Santana and Eriksen retrieved the cure. There was one complication.

“ _There’s only enough for two people_ ,” Inspector Eriksen said.

Santana reached into the chamber and took out the two vials. “ _Take them_ ,” he said. “ _Give one to Baum, and use the other for yourself._ ”

“ _What about you?_ ”

“ _I’m not in danger. You are. Saving you and Baum is worth being… this… for the rest of my life._ ”

By this point, Bruce and Selina were mouthing the lines – Bruce was mouthing Santana’s lines and Selina was mouthing Inspector Eriksen’s lines.

On the screen, the Inspector embraced Jose. “ _You would never have given this up for_ anyone _back when I met you the first time_ ,” she said.

“ _I know,_ ” Jose agreed. “ _I made myself a better person. For you._ ”

They kissed.

Bruce and Selina cheered.

Unfortunately, the heroes’ escape was cut off by Castor.

“ _I’ll hold him back_ ,” Jose said, stepping forward. “ _You need to get out of here_ ,” he told his friends.

“ _I’m not leaving this building without you,_ ” Eriksen protested.

“ _Sandra, I’ll be fine,_ ” Jose said. “ _Now_ go _._ ”

They kissed one more time. When they broke apart, Jose turned around and attacked Castor.

Jose and Castor were evenly matched. Eventually, Castor got the upper hand by trapping Jose in an airtight chamber.

“ _Did you really think you could win_?” Castor asked.

Jose laughed. “ _You want to know the truth? I wasn’t_ trying _to win._ ” He pressed his face against the glass. “ _I was stalling you_.”

Castor’s eyes widened.

Outside, once the other heroes were out of the building, they turned back right when an explosion shook the foundations and shattered the windows. Fire and smoke billowed from the collapsing lab.

“ _No_ ,” Inspector Eriksen said in a small voice.

And the credits started rolling.

“They should _not_ have cancelled this show,” Bruce said.

“I know!” Selina agreed. “There were so _many_ places they could have gone from here.”

“At least the comics gave us the follow-up we needed,” Bruce said. “ _And_ the show made ClayCop canon so the comics have plenty of great moments between them.”

“That was honestly the main reason why I was reading the comics,” Selina admitted. “God, they’re such a great couple.”

“They were my first OTP,” Bruce said. “It’s a shame IDW didn’t get the rights to the movie characters when they took over the comics.”

“You know, I heard a rumour that they might actually be getting the rights to the movie characters at last,” Selina said.

“Seriously?” Bruce asked.

Selina nodded. “At least, that’s what I’ve heard,” she clarified.

“Once we’re back in Gotham, we’ll look into it,” Bruce promised. “And if it’s true…”

“I’ve written _so many_ ClayCop and Masanti double date fanfics,” Selina said. “One of them might actually _happen_ now.”

“I’ve read those fanfics,” Bruce said. “You’re really good at writing those pairings.”

“Aw, thanks,” Selina said, kissing Bruce on the lips.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed that! Honestly, I tend to surprise myself with just how much I've come up with for a franchise and fandom within my stories, but I hope you found this chapter interesting
> 
> Just to clarify about the IDW comment: the way I imagine it, the comics were originally made by another company and licensed by the studio that made the cartoon. After both companies went bust, the rights to the comics transferred to IDW but the rights to the movie characters defaulted to the studio that made the movies, so IDW could only use characters introduced in the cartoon or the comics. Masami ended up becoming the main character of the comics, and eventually got a girlfriend named Avanti, which is where the name of the 'Masanti' pairing Selina mentions comes from.


	7. Day Seven: The Beach

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was inspired by a prompt from your-otp-prompts on Tumblr. That prompt was "Imagine your OTP in the Obligatory Beach Episode" and this is what I came up with. I hope you enjoy it!

It was the seventh day of their honeymoon, and Bruce and Selina had decided to spend it at the beach.

Right now, they were laying on their backs, side-by-side with sunglasses on their faces. They were both wearing sunscreen.

Neither of them was wearing a shirt. Instead, Bruce was wearing navy blue trunks and Selina was wearing a purple two-piece bathing suit.

“Bruce?” Selina said.

Bruce hummed in acknowledgement and looked over at his wife. She looked beautiful with the sunlight shining on her dark, reddish-brown skin.

Well, she always looked beautiful, but she looked even more beautiful than usual right now.

“I’m going to tan by back now,” she said, turning over. “Can you do my back for me?”

Bruce picked up the sunscreen bottle. “Of course,” he said. He leaned over Selina and squeezed some sunscreen out of the bottle and into his free hand, then started rubbing the sunscreen onto Selina’s back. He started at her hips, then slowly moved up.

“Thanks,” Selina said. “Once you’re done, I’ll return the favour, if you want.”

“I’m glad,” Bruce said. Once his hands had travelled all the way up Selina’s back, he started tracing circles over her shoulders with his thumbs.

Selina bit her lip to stop herself from moaning. “I asked you to put sunscreen on me, not give me a back massage,” she said, feigning annoyance.

Bruce stopped.

“I didn’t say _stop_ ,” Selina said.

Bruce started massaging her again.

“You realise,” Selina said, “I won’t be able to return _this_ favour. I don’t know that pressure point stuff that you do.”

“If you want, I could teach you at some point,” Bruce suggested. “It actually comes in useful a lot more than I expected when I learned it.”

“So which part didn’t you expect to use?” Selina asked. He could _hear_ her smirk.

“The part where I’d be giving an amazing back massage to my amazing wife,” Bruce said.

“Well aren’t you a charmer?” Selina said.

***

Afterwards, Selina asked what they were going to do next.

Bruce glanced at the shoreline, where the waves gently lapped at the shore.

“ _No_ ,” Selina shook her head emphatically.

“Alright,” Bruce said.

“I mean, it’s not that I have a problem with water, it’s just the whole cat thing, you know?” Selina explained.

“I know.”

“It’s just that it wouldn’t go with my theme,” Selina said, “there’s nothing more to it.”

Bruce nodded.

“Okay, maybe there is,” she sighed, “but…” She looked away.

“If you don’t want to talk about it, we don’t have to,” Bruce said.

“I know,” Selina said. “So… what _do_ we do next?”

“People build sandcastles at the beach, right?” Bruce said. “We could do that. Let’s make it a contest.”

Selina smiled. “You’re on,” she said.

It quickly became clear that Selina was going to win because she was much better at making sandcastles (and other kinds of sand sculptures) than Bruce, so she offered to give Bruce a few pointers when they worked together on one last sand sculpture: a sand version of Wayne Manor.

“See, you have to build up the base first, so it’s like a pyramid,” Selina explained. “And use wet sand to make it stick together better. Then, when you’re shaping it, you have to start from the top and work your way down. Don’t get caught up with the details just yet, keep it simple for now.”

Every now and again, she’d guide his hands to make sure he did it right.

“You’re really good at this,” he noted.

“Thanks,” Selina said. She smiled wistfully. “My mom used to take Maggie and me to the beach back when we were kids, and she’d teach us how to build sandcastles. I was a natural. Maggie too, it was one of the things we all had in common. Apparently our dad didn’t though – mom said that when they used to go to the beach together, he could never get the hang of it.”

“That sounds familiar,” Bruce remarked.

“Except that you _are_ getting the hang of it,” Selina countered.

“Touché,” Bruce said.

Selina glanced at the sea again. “Bruce?” she asked.

“What is it?”

“I think I’m going to give the water thing a shot after all,” she said, shooting a quick glare at the sea.

“Do you want me to go in first?” Bruce asked.

“Sure,” Selina said. “I’ll be right behind you.”

Which was how they ended up on different sides of the shore: Bruce standing in the sea, the water up to his ankles (higher when the waves came in), Selina standing with her feet firmly planted on dry land.

She looked at the waves and her confidence wavered slightly. She tried to step forward, but her feet wouldn’t budge.

Bruce recognised the look on her face. “Again, you don’t have to do this if-“ he started saying.

Selina’s immediate response to that was to sprint into the sea just to get this over with as soon as possible. She’d almost passed Bruce when some small and round stone buried in the sand caught her foot (thankfully, her foot didn’t _hit_ it), causing her to lose her balance.

She instinctively grabbed onto Bruce with one arm to steady himself, but that didn’t stop her momentum so she ended up pulling him down to.

Right into the shallow water.

She sat up (in one corner of her mind registering that the water was so shallow that when she was sitting up in it, it barely reached above her waist) and spat out the salty water that had gotten into her mouth, then started laughing.

“Glad to know you’re amused,” Bruce said, sitting up next to her.

“It’s not that, it’s – you know how sometimes when you’re scared of something and it turns out it wasn’t that scary after all and you just randomly start laughing?” Selina said, looking over at Bruce. “That’s what that was.”

Then she glanced at Bruce’s hair and saw that it was drenched – slick, laying almost flat against his scalp except for a few stubborn strands that stuck out at odd angles, and dripping water down his face.

And she burst out laughing again.

“ _Now_ you’re amused,” Bruce said. He shook his head to shake some of the moisture out of his hair.

“Hey!” Selina protested when some of the droplets hit her. Then she smirked and, in retaliation, she scooped up some water with her hands and splashed Bruce with it.

Bruce laughed and splashed her back.

Soon enough, they were both laughing and splashing each other. After five minutes, they called a truce and made their way back to the shore.

“I’m proud of you, by the way,” Bruce said.

“What for?” Selina asked.

“Facing your fears like that,” Bruce said. “It took me three days to go into the cave the first time, and that was _after_ being trained to overcome my fears in Nanda Parbat.”

“Well,” Selina said. She paused. “Thanks,” she said at last.

***

“What do you think this island is called, anyway?”

Bruce hummed. “I don’t know. I’ll find one of the ninjas and ask them.” He got to his feet and walked back to the resort.

A few moments later, he was back with an amused smile on his face. “So turns out, it’s called Pulau Kelawar dan Kucing.”

Selina looked at him blankly. “And that means…”

“It’s Malay. It means…” Bruce held back a chuckle, “‘Island of Bats and Cats.’”

Selina burst out laughing, which just caused Bruce to start laughing too.

“You mean...” she said, while still laughing, “we’re spending our honeymoon… on BatCat Island?”

“Yeah, we are,” Bruce laughed.

***

By the end of the day, they lay next to each other on the beach as they watched the sun slowly sink below the horizon.

“I guess it’s true what they say about sunsets being beautiful,” Selina commented.

Bruce made a non-committal noise.

Selina raised an eyebrow. “You’re not a fan?”

“I can see the appeal,” Bruce clarified, “but after the first… three reality-threatening crises, the sky turning red isn’t as welcome a sight.”

“Oh yeah, that’s a thing that happens,” Selina agreed. “Why though? I mean, why does the end of the world make the sky turn red?”

“It’s called the Bleed,” Bruce explained. “When the fabric of spacetime becomes unstable, it starts breaking down and that lets energy from between the universes into _our_ universe, where most of it becomes light. And because of the _amount_ of energy that flows in, that light is red.”

“Huh,” Selina said. “The more you know… It is romantic though. The sunset, not the end of the world, I mean.”

“It is,” Bruce agreed. “The sunset. Although I’ve been told the end of the world can be romantic too.”

“I can see why,” Selina said. “The whole ‘this might be our last chance’ thing. Who told you that, anyway?”

“Uh, pretty much the entire Justice League, at one point or another.” He laughed, and Selina laughed with him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The whole 'BatCat Island' thing was an idea I had all the way back when I was writing Holy Batrimony! and came up with the idea of Talia sending Bruce and Selina to spend their honeymoon on a secret tropical island because that's her idea of a wedding present.


	8. Day Eight: Bug Bites

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again, this chapter was inspired by a prompt from your-otp-prompts on Tumblr. The prompt that inspired this one was "Imagine person A coming home from wherever covered in bites from bugs because it’s summer and they’re everywhere and I hate it. Person B finds it amusing, but sits down with them to help them put whatever cream they find useful over every single damn one."
> 
> I hope you enjoy this chapter.

After their day at the beach went well, Bruce and Selina decided to spend the next day exploring the forest in the middle of the island. One discovery they made was that while the insects in the forest didn’t bother Selina much, they seemed to love Bruce.

“The bugs. Are everywhere,” Bruce said, covered in insect bites. He hit the back of his neck to get rid of a mosquito that had landed there. The mosquito managed to fly away before it met its demise.

Bruce’s no killing rule applied to people, not to bloodsucking parasites.

“Don’t you have bug spray?” Selina asked.

Bruce mumbled something.

“What?”

“I forgot to pack bug spray,” Bruce repeated, clearly this time.

Selina looked at him for a moment, then burst out laughing.

“I’m glad my pain is amusing to you,” Bruce deadpanned.

“It’s not that,” Selina said once she caught her breath. “It’s just… you’re Batman! And you forgot to pack bug spray?”

“Give me a break, it’s not like we were planning to spend our honeymoon on a tropical island,” Bruce said.

“Even if we were in the South of France right now, it would still be the middle of the summer and there’d be bugs everywhere,” Selina said. She laughed again, then stopped herself. “Sorry, it’s just… how did you of all people forget? You’re supposed to be prepared for everything.”

“Well, next time I will be,” Bruce said. “Probably. The odds of me forgetting were approximately zero point four five percent.”

Selina raised an eyebrow. “First of all, you actually did the math? Second of all, ‘approximately’?”

“It’s an irrational number, I had to round it,” Bruce said.

Another bug landed on Bruce’s arm. Bruce tried to hit it, but the bug took off quickly enough that he just ended up slapping his own arm.

“Alright, how about this? I’ve got some bug spray left so I’ll let you use mine,” Selina said. “That should keep them away from you until we get back to the resort. I do have a cream for bug bites, but I left that at the resort so you’ll have to wait until we get there before you can take care of the bites you’ve already got.”

“Some of those bites are hard to reach,” Bruce said.

“I’ll help you out, then,” Selina said. “In the meantime,” she reached into the back pocket of her shorts and took out the bug spray, then handed it to Bruce.

“Thanks,” Bruce said.

The rest of their journey around the forest went a lot more smoothly now that Bruce didn’t have to worry about repelling the swarm.

They got back to the resort in the late afternoon, and it didn’t take long until they were sitting together on the bed and Bruce had finished putting the bug bite cream on the bites on his arms, chest, and neck. Selina took the tube from his hands and started putting the cream on the bites on Bruce’s back.

Selina chuckled.

“It’s not _that_ funny,” Bruce groaned.

“I mean, it’s _you_ forgetting to bring bug spray on a holiday,” Selina said. “It _is_ pretty funny. Like, aren’t you the guy who’s prepared for everything?”

Bruce’s lip twitched. His back was turned to her, so Selina couldn’t see said lip twitch, but she was pretty sure it happened.

“Fine, I guess it _is_ funny,” Bruce conceded.

Yeah, his lip had definitely twitched. That twitch was Bruce’s way of saying that he was amused or having fun but trying not to express that. Bruce only found out that he did that when Selina had told him she found it cute.

“But I don’t want this to become a running joke,” Bruce said.

“You don’t have to worry about that,” Selina reassured him. “What happens on the tropical island that judging by the name is somewhere near Malaysia stays on the tropical island that judging by the name is somewhere near Malaysia.”

“Good to know,” Bruce said.

“Okay, I’m done,” Selina said, screwing the cap back onto the tube. She squinted at the near-microscopic lettering on the side. “It says you should be fine after twenty-four hours but you should take it easy in the meantime.”

“And ‘take it easy’ means?”

“Basically don’t put any pressure on the bites, don’t leave your weight on them for too long-“

“They’re all over me, how do I sleep without leaving my weight on at least some of them?”

“-you can always put a pillow under your arm or something to prop yourself up,” Selina said. “That helps with stuff like sprained ankles, and you’re not supposed to put your weight on those either, so it might help with the bug bites too.”

Bruce hummed. “Thanks,” he said, turning his head to look at her.

“For what?” Selina asked.

“Lending me your bug spray,” Bruce said. “And helping me with the bites on my back,” he added.

“Well, you know, now you owe me one,” Selina joked. “ _Two_ actually.”

Bruce smirked. “Someday, and that day may never come, you will call upon me to do a service for you?”

Selina grinned. “Look at you, referencing the Godfather already.”

“Oh yeah, thanks for convincing me to watch that with you,” Bruce said. “I guess I owe you three.” He leaned towards her and they kissed. It was a quick and chaste kiss.

“I love you,” Bruce said.

“I love you too,” Selina replied.

They kissed again. This one lasted longer, and it was definitely not chaste.


	9. Day Nine: Can't sleep without cuddling

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another chapter based on a Tumblr prompt from @your-otp-prompts. This time, the prompt was "Imagine your OTP having to awkwardly sleep on opposite sides of the bed because it’s hot. Way too hot for cuddles. Except person A can’t sleep/wakes up in the middle of the night, desperately wanting cuddles. Now imagine the kinds of extreme lengths your OTP go to to find somewhere to sleep that’s cool enough that they can snuggle without overheating."  
> There is implied nudity in this chapter, but no descriptions of anything nsfw.

The one downside of honeymooning on a tropical island was that even at night, it was hot. Especially _this_ night. Bruce and Selina couldn’t even snuggle – they had to sleep on opposite sides of the bed.

A different couple might have been able to get through it, but Bruce and Selina were both very tactile people – even if neither of them was willing to admit it – so for them, not being able to hold each other was hell.

Well, more so than trying to sleep during a hot night was anyway. Bruce could _feel_ the perspiration on his skin.

“You awake?” Bruce asked Selina.

Selina wiped the sweat off her brow and turned around to face him. “I couldn’t sleep. You?”

“Same problem. I think we’re just both used to snuggling,” he said, then rolled his eyes. “I never thought I’d say that.”

“That’s probably what it is,” Selina admitted. “But right now, we _can’t_ , because of this _heat_ ,” she muttered.

“We could always find somewhere else,” Bruce suggested.

That’s how they ended up searching the resort for a place to sleep that was cool enough to avoid overheating. First, they tried the couch in the living room.

“Nope,” Selina said, getting up from the couch. “Still too hot.”

“We’re still indoors,” Bruce said. “Maybe we could try the balcony?”

Selina’s face lit up. “That could work!”

It did not work.

“Why did I think this was a good idea?” Bruce wondered, swatting at a bug that had landed on his skin. “I swear, if I end up covered in bug bites again…”

“I can just get the bug spray,” Selina said. “We’ll have to bring some blankets over anyway.” She waved a hand at the concrete floor to emphasize her points.

Bruce shook his head. “No,” he said, “even then, it’s still too hot.”

“You’re right,” Selina said. “Maybe it’ll be cooler downstairs.”

“That might work,” Bruce agreed. “But we _will_ need to actually put something on if we’re going to go downstairs.”

So Bruce put on a pair of boxers and Selina put on one of Bruce’s shirts – the hem of the shirt went far enough past her waist that the shirt was enough to cover up – and they went downstairs, carrying some blankets in case they needed them.

Once they were downstairs, there were a few different places they considered.

“The lobby might work,” Selina said.

“Normally, I’d agree with you,” Bruce said, “but what if we get caught?”

“We’re the only two guests here,” Selina pointed out. “And the ninjas running this place seem to mind their own business most of the time.”

“Good point,” Bruce agreed. “The lobby it is.” He looked at a futon in the lobby. “At least we won’t need the blankets.” They laid the blankets on the floor in front of the futon, and laid on the futon itself. Bruce wrapped his arms around Selina’s waist, and she hummed contently.

Unfortunately, they had underestimated just _how_ hot it was.

“This isn’t going to work,” Selina said after a while, untangling herself from Bruce’s arms and rolling off the futon and onto the blankets. She got to her feet as Bruce also got off the futon.

“Well,” Bruce said. “There’s still the basement.”

So they went down to the basement. The door was locked, so Selina improvised a lock pick using a pen she’d ‘borrowed’ from the lobby. “You never know when you might need to pick a lock,” she told Bruce.

Bruce tried to think of an occasion where he’d known _for sure_ that he wouldn’t need to pick a lock, but it occurred to him that on all three of those occasions he’d ended up needing to pick a lock after all.

Selina opened the door and they descended the stairs to the basement. Once they were down there, Selina breathed in the cool air and smiled. “ _Finally_ , somewhere on this damn island where it’s cool enough to sleep.”

“It might actually be _too_ cool,” Bruce said. “The sudden shift in temperature might make us ill.”

Selina threw her blanket at him. “Don’t you dare,” she said. “We have spent enough time searching for somewhere to sleep, I am not about to start all over again. We’re going to be snuggling anyway, and we can always wrap ourselves in the blankets if that’s not enough.”

Bruce hummed in agreement and laid out one blanket on the stone tiled floor. “After you,” he said.

“You’re the one spooning me tonight,” Selina pointed out. “It makes more sense if you go first.”

So Bruce took of his boxers and got down on the blanket, then Selina took off her shirt and joined him. They covered themselves with the other blanket, then laid there for a while, spooning, before Selina said, “Bruce?”

Bruce hummed.

“We should have taken a pillow too,” Selina said.

“We should _absolutely_ have taken a pillow too,” Bruce said. “I’ll go back to our bedroom and get one.”

Fortunately, once they had a pillow they were able to sleep comfortably.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know how I came up with the idea that Bruce and Selina both like to sleep nude, it just seemed in-character for them.


	10. Day Ten: A Lot of Kissing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As usual, this chapter is based on a prompt. This time, the prompt was: "Imagine person A of your OTP giving person B a kiss on the cheek as they’re lounging around together having a lazy day. B responds with a kiss on the nose to which A retaliates. Minutes later the two are rolling around together, pecking kisses at every available bit of skin as the room is filled with giggles and shrieks of laughter."

Fortunately (despite Bruce’s complaints that the day was supposed to be warmer than the night, not the other way around), the previous night’s heatwave had eased up by the morning. That did not mean it wasn’t still hot, so Bruce and Selina decided to spend the day indoors. They also managed to find an electric fan in the supply closet and took it up to their suite.

Right now, it was noon and the two of them were lounging around on the living room couch, one of Bruce’s arms wrapped around Selina’s shoulders. They’d put the fan on a shelf on the wall opposite the window, where it was whirring and keeping the room cool.

Selina looked over at Bruce. The loving smile on his face made her heart skip a beat – and when Selina got flustered she got playful, so she gave Bruce a quick kiss on the cheek.

Bruce blinked, then smirked. “What was that for?”

“For being adorable,” Selina told him, smirking back.

“Well then,” Bruce said, “since you’re adorable too…” he leaned forwards and retaliated by kissing Selina on the nose.

“Of course you realise, this means war,” Selina joked, kissing Bruce on the forehead.

Bruce responded by trying to kiss Selina’s neck. Selina laughed and tried to squirm out of the way, which somehow caused both of them to roll off the couch and onto the floor. When Bruce actually managed to kiss Selina on the neck, she laughed louder.

Bruce tried to escape before Selina could retaliate, but she rolled them over so that she was straddling Bruce and started kissing him all over his face. That finally got Bruce to laugh.

At that point, escalation was inevitable. Within seconds, Bruce and Selina were rolling around on the floor, kissing each other anywhere they could, and laughing with each other the whole time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed this one too! The last four chapters are probably going to be posted sporadically over the next couple of months - my plan is to get some more writing done for my other WIPs, but in between those I'll keep writing chapters for this story.


	11. Day Eleven: Making the Bed

There were many things few people knew about Bruce – like how much he loved physical contact with his loved ones, or how deep down he was terrified of not being able to save someone. Bruce’s perfectionism was a _little_ more well-known, at least among the people who knew he was Batman.

Right now, Bruce was making the bed he and Selina were sharing on their honeymoon, and his perfectionism was making itself known. He’d just finished fluffing up the pillows, and now he started folding the duvet.

What he didn’t realize was that Selina was watching him from outside the bedroom, waiting for the perfect moment to strike. She smirked to herself.

When Bruce was finished with the duvet, he stepped back and assessed his handiwork. He furrowed his brow, reached for the duvet again, and straightened out one of the corners. Looking it over again, he nodded to himself. _Perfect_ , he thought.

And that was when Selina sprinted into the room, jumped into the air, and landed on the bed with a fwump.

Before Bruce had time to react, Selina grabbed the front of his shirt and pulled him down onto the mattress too.

Bruce raised his eyebrows at Selina. “Really?”

“It was the perfect opportunity,” Selina shrugged. “I couldn’t _possibly_ pass it up.”

Bruce opened his mouth to respond, then closed it again. “You know what?” he said at last. “I’m not even mad.”

“I knew you wouldn’t be,” Selina said, wrapping her arms around Bruce.

“I love you,” Bruce said, hugging Selina back.

“Love you too,” Selina said.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You guessed it, this chapter is based on a prompt from @your-otp-prompts on Tumblr. Just to shake things up, this time I decided to put this after the fic, not before. The prompt was this:  
> Imagine person A of your OTP is making their shared bed, taking their time with it because they want it perfect.  
> Then right after they finish they get a person B out of nowhere fwumping down on it and dragging them down for cuddles and honestly they can’t even be mad.
> 
> I'm glad y'all are liking this fic of mine. It's really great reading your comments on these chapters


	12. Day Twelve: Reminiscing

It was noon and Bruce and Selina were walking on the beach, hand in hand.

Selina leaned on Bruce’s shoulder and noticed her husband smiling fondly at her.

“What?” she asked.

“Just thinking of how we got together,” Bruce said.

“Karaoke night,” Selina recalled. “Your son basically dared me to get up on that stage.”

Bruce paused. “Dick dared _me_ to sing that night too,” he said.

The couple shared a look. Then they started laughing.

“How did it take us _this_ long to figure out that he planned that night?” Selina wondered.

“You know, I wouldn’t be surprised if Barbara was involved in that too,” Bruce said. “She’d been onto us ever since you joined the team.”

Selina hummed thoughtfully. “I think you’re right – Barbara _did_ choose the songs for both of us. When we get back to Gotham, we should thank them.”

“We should,” Bruce agreed. “You were amazing that night, by the way.”

“So were you,” Selina said.

They both fell silent, remembering how they’d complimented each other’s singing skills afterwards.

“ _You’ve been holding out on me_ ,” Selina had drawled.

“ _So have you_ ,” Bruce had countered. “ _You’re_ good.”

“ _We both are._ ”

And that was when Barbara had chimed in. “ _In that case, you two should do a duet_.”

Bruce and Selina had gotten up on stage together, and heard the beginning of the song Barbara had chosen: _Lovecats_ by the Cure.

Karaoke doesn’t usually get standing ovations, but their duet had gotten just that. And afterwards, at the first chance they got, Bruce and Selina had snuck off to ‘celebrate’ a successful performance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What's this? A chapter *not* based on a prompt? Yeah, having Bruce and Selina reminisce about how they got together was too good an idea to pass up.


	13. Day Thirteen: Stargazing

“Well, we’ve found something Gotham has in common with a tropical island,” Selina said, looking up.

“It’s not really surprising,” Bruce said. “It’s not like tropical islands have as much light pollution. Even the _air_ pollution is lower than usual here.”

“Hence, clear skies at night,” Selina said. “Perfect for stargazing.”

They were laying side by side on the roof, looking up at the starlit sky. Selina’s right arm was intertwined with Bruce’s left.

“Remember the first time we did this?” Bruce asked her.

“Of course I remember,” Selina replied. “It _was_ my idea.”

They thought back to a different rooftop on the other side of the world. That night had been a few weeks after they’d reunited: Bruce had been going through a rough time, and Selina had known he needed a distraction.

“You know, I never really realized stargazing was such a popular pastime in Gotham,” Bruce said.

“You should have, it’s all thanks to you,” Selina said, leaning over to kiss her husband. “If your company wasn’t so eco-friendly, we wouldn’t even _see_ stars in Gotham. So thanks for that.”

Bruce smiled. “You’re welcome, then. Although technically, you should be thanking Ivy.”

“The same way I just thanked _you_? Don’t tempt me,” Selina said.

Bruce raised his eyebrows. Selina responded with a smirk.

That smirk then turned into a laugh.

Hearing his wife laughing was all it took for Bruce to join in.

Once they settled down and looked up at the sky again, Bruce said, “Judging by these constellations, we are _definitely_ near Southeast Asia.”

Selina raised an eyebrow at him. “We’re on an island with a Malaysian name, and _the sky_ is what gives our location away to you?”

“Well…” Bruce said. “One clue’s never enough. Not even two, the constellations just confirmed it.”

“Alright,” Selina said. “So there’s the name and the sky. What were the _other_ clues?”

“You’re going to call me a dork,” Bruce said.

“That’s because you _are_ a dork,” Selina said, running a hand through his hair. “ _My_ dork. And I’m curious. Did you figure it out from the weather or how long the days are or something like that?”

“Yes,” Bruce admitted.

Selina laughed.

“The average ratio of daytime to nighttime over the past thirteen days and twelve nights corresponded to a latitude extremely close to the equator but not actually equatorial, and taking the time of year into account I was able to figure out that we’re in the northern hemisphere,” Bruce said. “And based on weather patterns I was able to make an educated guess to what the surrounding air currents looked like

“Dork,” Selina teased.

Bruce leaned in and kissed her. “ _Your_ dork.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just came up with the 'stargazing is popular in Gotham' headcanon and I had to include it here.  
> I hope you enjoyed this chapter too!


	14. Day Fourteen: The Last Day

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's a scene early in this chapter that's... not lewd, because I don't write smut (yet, that might change a few years down the line) but there is implied lewdness. Just letting you all know in advance.  
> Now that that's out of the way, I hope you enjoy the chapter!

It was the last day of their honeymoon now. Selina and Bruce were lying in bed together, looking up at the ceiling.

“Bruce?” Selina asked.

Bruce hummed in acknowledgment.

Selina turned to look at her husband, propping herself up on her elbow. “After we get back, I’m thinking of going to Villa Hermosa for a while,” she said. Then, to clarify, she added, “Maggie’s there.”

Bruce understood. “How’s she doing?” he asked, turning towards Selina.

“She’s…” Selina hesitated.

Bruce put his hand on hers.

“She’s not getting better,” Selina said at last. She straightened her elbow, so that she was sitting up on the mattress. “But she’s not getting worse either. She’s still holding on.”

“That’s good,” Bruce said. “Villa Hermosa it is, then. Do you want me to come with you?”

“Sure,” Selina said, without hesitating. She took a moment to realize she didn’t even need to think about it: she just _knew_ she wanted Bruce with her. Then something else occurred to her and she pointed a finger at him. “But no crimefighting. When you show up in the batsuit, people _always_ spread the word. At least _my_ alter ego can keep a low profile.”

“I can keep a low profile!” Bruce protested.

Selina scoffed. “Isn’t the whole _point_ of Batman to get the bad guys’ attention?”

“Point taken,” Bruce conceded.

“Besides, even if we do get caught up in something, I can handle the bad guys over there by myself.”

“Catwoman in Villa Hermosa,” Bruce mused. He leaned up towards her. “They won’t know what hit ‘em.”

They kissed.

She pulled him closer to her and snaked her left hand through his hair. He wrapped his arms around her and moved his hands down her back, to her hips, then lower.

Selina kept her left hand where it was, but moved her right hand down, mimicking Bruce.

They fell back onto the mattress, Selina landing on her back, and things progressed naturally from there.

They stayed in the bedroom for a long time, but they did eventually get out of bed, get dressed, and leave the bedroom.

Since it was their last day on the island, they decided to make the most of it. They went to the beach, where they had another sandcastle-building contest (Selina still won, but Bruce did better this time thanks to her advice after last time) and made out by the shore. They trekked through the jungle (fortunately, Bruce had his bug spray with him this time) and made out under the branches of one of the largest trees there. They climbed up the mountain in the centre of the island and made out at the peak.

There was a lot of making out.

They were well into the afternoon when they got back to the resort, and they knew they’d be leaving in the evening, so they packed their bags, said goodbye to the ninjas running the resort, then made the journey to the landing strip an hour and a half away.

They didn’t have to wait long before they saw a speck appear in the sky. As the speck grew, it became clearer that it was a plane.

Selina and Bruce were standing to the side of the runway, leaning on each other. “Just think,” Bruce said, “twelve hours from now we’ll be waking up in Gotham again. Your place or mine?”

“Yours, I think,” Selina said. “Your family are all there anyway, and I’m guessing the Sirens will be waiting for us too.”

“The Manor it is, then,” Bruce said.

“We can stay in Gotham for a couple of days before going to Villa Hermosa,” Selina said. “You think Jason will want to fill in for you again?”

“I hope so,” Bruce said. “He’s a better hero than he thinks.”

The plane touched down on the runway and slowed to a halt. When it stopped, it was right in front of them.

The door opened, the stairs unfolded, and someone they both recognised stepped out.

“Talia!” they said in unison.

Talia’s face lit up when she saw them. Once she was on the ground, they ran towards each other. Selina and Talia hugged each other.

“This place is amazing,” Selina said. “You definitely know how to pick a honeymoon destination.”

“Thanks,” Talia said. “Honestly, once I found out the name, I knew it was perfect for you two.”

“’Island of Bats and Cats,’” Bruce said. “I’m gonna need the story behind that name.” He noticed the headscarf she was wearing. “Is that a hijab?”

“I’ll tell you on the plane,” Talia replied. “And yeah, I’ve started wearing them now. It’s… liberating, I guess. I get to show off my culture, instead of suppressing it like my father wants.”

“Good for you,” Bruce said.

“Thanks. I’m still in the League, though,” Talia said. “For now, anyway. I’ve got a plan.”

“Let us know how it goes,” Selina said. “And if you ever need our help, you’re always welcome in Gotham.”

Talia smiled. “I’ll keep that in mind.”

They got on the plane. Once they took their seats, the plane turned around, the engines started, and soon the plane built up enough speed to lift of the runway, taking them back to Gotham.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Talia was the one who sent them to the island in the first place, so I figured she should show up for the ending. As for Talia wearing a hijab, and her comment about Ra's, that's to do with a headcanon I have about the latter - basically, that Ra's wants his followers to be devoted to him only, so he forbids any displays of culture, heritage, or religion in the League of Assassins. Talia embracing her own culture with something that also has religious connotations is basically her rejecting Ra's ideology.  
> And that's it. The final chapter.  
> This all started with me being mad at DC and deciding to write a Batman #50 Fix-It. I had a few ideas for a sequel already, but at that point I wanted to focus on another WIP of mine and I had no concrete plans for when I'd write a follow-up to Holy Batrimony! (the exclamation mark is part of the title). A while later, I had writer's block so I thought to myself "what if I wrote something else"? and that's how this fic came to be.  
> Then, with BatCat Week 2018, I wrote a few more fics, most of which were not in-continuity with the comics - but I decided to include them in the same series as this fic and Batrimony, so they'd all be in-continuity with each other. At this point, this series has grown into an entire universe separate from both the comics and my other Batman fics, and while it's not my biggest project (that would be The Batman Saga) it does contain some of my favourite fics that I've written.  
> I've loved writing this, and I've loved hearing all your feedback on it. I've already got some ideas for the next fic in this series as well, but it might be a while. Right now, I want to focus on The Batman Saga for a while, and there are a few other stories I've been meaning to get around to writing.  
> All that said, I look forward to hearing what you thought of this chapter.  
> Also, since there are a lot of holidays that take place during this time of year, if you celebrate one or more of them I'd like to wish you a happy [insert holiday here]. If you don't, I just hope you have a great time anyway.


End file.
